Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark! Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? A: The joystick is wet. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them. Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ? A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too. Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree? A: Wave Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots. Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass? A: A brain tumor. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down? A: Two brunettes. Q: What's the Blonde's cheer? A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..." Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blowjob. Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs? A: Because that's what they train for all their lives. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK". Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper? A: So she could lip read. Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Neither could the blondes. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Q: Why does it work? A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?" Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip? A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay). Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....? A: A blond doing cartwheels. Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth! Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant? A: She blew it both times! Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common? A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one. Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige? A: Lipstick on the cucumbers! Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common? A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? A: About 2 cans of hair spray Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A: Pick them up off the floor. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? A1: The Blonde! A2: The other guys waiting their turn. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'? A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.' Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!" Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot. Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group? A: Air Supply. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling? A: A blond electrician. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it! Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station? A: The Air Pump! Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an F in sex. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed. Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers? A: They can't keep their calves together! Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?" Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A: Because she blows the horn! Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Because everybody gets a turn. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? A: Because she's been laid all over the country. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A: She kept having affairs with men! Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10? A: She picks up her purse and goes home. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? A: Grade 4. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 blondes. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod... Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter". Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman? A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? A: They both drip when they're ******. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry" A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry! Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!" Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A: Locking the car door. Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test? A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A whine cellar. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? A: Air bubbles. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian? A: A waste. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? A: An air mattress. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An Air Bag. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A: Divorcee' Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? A: All you can eat, under a buck. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes? A: Bobbing for Bimbos. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager. Q: What do you call a smart blond? A1: A golden retriever. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes? A: The back of her head. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common? A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter. How blonde was she?? She was soooooooooooooo blonde... ... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. ... she thought a quarterback was a refund. ... she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order ... she thought Boyz II Men was a day-care center. ... she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools. ... she thought General Motors was in the Army. ... she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. ... she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. ... under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics". ... she tried to drown a fish. ... she tripped over a cordless phone. ... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate". ... she got stabbed in a shoot-out. ... she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK". ... they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. ... at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius". ... she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. ... it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes". ... she studied for a blood test-and failed. ... she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train". ... she sold the car for gas money. ... when she saw the movie rating "NC-17: under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends. ... when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. ... she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. ... when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. ... when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home. ... she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A: Lipstick. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds." Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture. Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws? A: Practice. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it! Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A1: Because they don't know any better. A2: They are easier to keep amused. Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry? A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex! Q: Why do blondes have legs? A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground. A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it. Q: What does a blonde and a tampon have in common? A: They're both stuck up c*nts! Q: Why do blondes drive VW's A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!! Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem. Q: Why do some blonds have square boobs? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ? A: Wishful Thinking. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes go in first. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts? A: Tits go in front. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? A: More head room. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room. Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ? A: So they know when to stop having sex ! Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick? A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings? A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A1: They can't remember the number. A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? A: Cause their balls show! Q: Why don't blonds breast feed? A: Because they always burn their niples. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? A: They chip their teeth. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces themself. A2: Walks home. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond? A: Bucket seats. Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex? A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!" Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up! Q: What's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone? A: Ice cream cones don't lick back. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A: Butter is difficult to spread. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"? A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic". Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? A: "Nice tits!" Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth? A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine? Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? A1: They both have a black box. A2: Both have a cockpit. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change. Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in her ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!" Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair? A: They pull up their pants. Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? A: Last years hide and go seek winner. Q: What do you call a blonde mother-in-law? A: An air bag. Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity? A: B.J. Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped? A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open. Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft. Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down. Q: Why do blondes wear panties? A: To keep their ankles warm. Q: Why should you never let a blonde take a coffee break? A: It's too hard to re-train them. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear. Q: What do blonde virgins eat? A: Baby food. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!" Q: What's the mating call of the brunette? A1: "All the blondes have gone home!" A2: Has that blonde gone yet? A3: When is that blond bitch going to leave!? Q: What's the mating call of the redhead? A: "Next!" Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde? A: Thirty minutes of begging. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A: You need a quarter to use the phone. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt." Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? A: She opens the car door. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb! Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno! Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? A: One's a fony buck. Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A: One that never misses a period. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is? A: An Italian suppository. Q: What does a blond say during a porno? A: There I am! Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant? A: Her feet! Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose? A: When she farts, her knees bag. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist? A: Marriage. Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan? A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat. Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde? A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day? A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette. Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? A: Way to go team! Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator? A: By the chipped tooth. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.) Q: How do you keep a blonde busy? A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. Q: Why do blondes have vaginas? A: So guys will talk to them at parties. Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?" A: "No, I just lie there." Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning? A: "Thanks, guys..." Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool? A: Air pockets. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: "Space. The final frontier......" Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? A: She didn't know what ONE came first... Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer! Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp? A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries. Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen. Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the white-out. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating? A: By the buckle print on her forehead. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead! Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? A: She has a checkbook. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch. Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team? A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your job still sucks after 6 months. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: Not everybody has been in a limo. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball. A3: You don't eat your bowling ball. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear! Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant. Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?" Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor? A: By the ears. Reminds me of a T-Shirt I saw on a blonde. Let go of my ears. I know what I'm doing! Q: How do you know a blonde likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk? A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor! Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
blonde Jokes A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax." "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on." A blonde is suffering froma sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says, "Open wide". "I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms." Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to screw her brains out. Then I realized I was too late. Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. They released the genie and he told them, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were smarter". So she became a redhead. The second blonde said "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The third blond said "I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms." A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?" A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"
